Happiness & Attitude

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.” 
― William W. Purkey

Most people I know don’t know me, the real me.  Most of them are curious to know the secret of me be happy always. Some of them think I am a gifted child with no problems and worries, some say I wish I was like you, you are so happy all the time.
Only some close friends who I trust knows that unhappy part of me.

No one person in truth is born with golden spoon, even if they have prosperity and inheritance that they could spend sleeping entire life. I believe that each person is born in this world to make a difference in someone life, if we think about it each and every one of us are people who make a difference in small ways every day. 

At the age of 21 just like any girl of my age I have a million things to worry about, In fact as boys say Girls Drama Queen factor is also a big influence specifically worrying about things that do not matter and the things that do matter.  Everything does matter when you can look at it at that persons view.

People say that your life is in your control, you can be who you want to be. I would agree on that   me as girl I don’t think my life is all in my control and i can’t do what I want, yet I am someone who still wants my life to be in my control, Happiness is what I deserve in my life, many things you don’t want may happen to make you miserable, yet I have my way of finding loopholes to make me feel fortunate.
Life would be boring if it’s not gloomy on and off.  You learn from the experience, if the events are unwelcome you become more expert in tackling them. 
My happiness is about my satisfaction, the joy of living with the smile and the joy of bringing smile on others face. Happiness cannot be bought but it can be created within you. 

“In one minute you can change your attitude in that minute you can change your entire day.” –Spenser Johnson.  This is quote influenced me to be the person who I am now, to be a carefree girl, to be a person who adore each moment, to accept the unexpected and to help myself feel better.

Things I do to change my attitude in minute,
1. I decide to stop reacting for the situation (Crying)

2. I decide to move forward.

3. I decide to focus on something which would bring a smile to my face. (Music, favorite person)
and just like that I feel better, try it and you will feel better too.

You life might not be in your hands, your future may not be in your hands but your happiness is always in your hands.
Sometimes you might have a career which you are not happy with, but your career is not the only piece which makes you, your happiness is within you and you have plenty of things to be happy about. So why not appreciate everything around you which brings you smile.

In Life you lose not once but uncountable times and yet you can win, you can only rise from a deep fall with a positive attitude towards your life and the pain it brings to you. And remember you are not the only person who lose and you are not the only person who suffers, like I said even a billionaire son who has inheritance to spend luxuriously for next 200 years would have ups and downs and worries in life, yes what a middle class person face and what a billionaire face might be different kind yet the pain would be same. No gain without pain whoever it may be rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, popular or unknown; with no partiality this world you live in has its charm to push you to the darkest. All you should understand is it’s not just you but everyone has problems so sooner you realize with your attitude, Positive attitude you can move forward rise above all with a beautiful smile. J

Dark Is Beautiful

Dark is Beautiful is an awareness campaign that seeks to draw attention to the unjust effects of skin color bias and also celebrates the beauty and diversity of all skin tones.
I came across this campaign and when I was surfing as the concept Dark is beautiful made me more curious, I kept looking into it further and so I decided to say my story on Dark is Beautiful.
Me myself like most of the south Asians is brown skinned person, I have also faced the same things every browned/dark skinned person face,
Haha !! Dark people themselves say she is beautiful but unfortunately she is dark, she would look great if she was fairer.
I had my two sisters who was fair and I was youngest unfair looking girl in my family so some people says she has nice features than her sisters, but blah blah blah.
Most people who loved me, brothers sisters and friends, the close ones calls me Karupi and blacky, when I moved from my family to higher studies my sister named our new dog blacky which is a dog name and told me, I miss u so I name our dog blacky *wink*
These are few scenarios I came across when I read the Dark Is Beautiful Campaign, which of course every darker complex person in south Asia specifically faces.
Let me get to the point, I came across people misunderstanding this campaign comment are you 
trying to say fair skinned people aren't beautiful, let me get this fact straight this campaign is to create awareness to young minds with darker complexion that they are beautiful, see if you look at south Asia it’s the gene and the hot sun responsible for our skin color  we have been born in a way that we can adapt to nature.
Why should darker skinned girl think that she is not beautiful is my question??
 Now and always it is very common that everyone thinks fair skin is attractive, well I should say at least in south Asia, for example: Let me take Tamil film industry, In Tamil film industry when we look at the most successful heroines apart from Sridevi, Trisha who are themselves Tamil with fair skin, most heroines are brought to Tamil industry from North India as they are fairer and beautiful, I do know when you wear a beautiful dress on a light skinned girl she will look like a doll, as for us most of us have seen dolls, Barbie dolls which are white or lighter color, which are sold most, sold most only lighter color dolls wear manufactured. I am a south Asia and only 1 out of the 10 woman I see in my community is fair rest 9 are dark.
I don’t see a point in directors making a fair woman to darker apart from her versatility in acting which again I feel that they can find woman who are talented in darker complexion.
Today’s young girls maybe depressed just my looking at some lame movies, where the guy falls in love with the girl who is fair even if the girl is so much of a drama queen and not for the darker friend next to her, I have never seen a movie till date casting a heroine’s friend prettier than the heroine, see people should basically show grow up and understand the difference between reality and movies.

I would like to put this out as a challenge to the producers and directors out there to cast a girl who is well talented and who is 9/10 woman of your community, dress her well and release the movie… I mean seriously there some ridiculous movies where woman other than the pretty heroine dresses like clown without any sense of dressing.
I would seriously blame it on our immature community and the film industry as the reason why darker skinned woman feel insecure, yes movies and TV commercials says only white skin can sell, who said that dark skin is not sexy or not hot.
One thing these young girls should understand that woman on TV were not born as that perfect pretty lady she is, why just woman even man, no one is flawless everyone is full of flaws it’s just that there is a lot of bleaching, waxing, pedicure, manicure, makeup and PHOTOSHOP behind the beauty which is screen.
For me confidence is what makes a woman beautiful, I did think that if Miss America 2014 Nina Davuluri had participated in India she wouldn't have won, no I was wrong if she had participated in Miss India she would have definitely won the contest, the confidence she had when she walked with the bikini I got goose bumps. It’s not about you being dark or fair it’s all about how you carry yourself, how your present yourself that over takes one personality too in my point, it’s about your confidence.
Not every woman who is fair looks beautiful on the eyes of man, and not every man who is fair and tall attracts woman. It’s the way a person carries herself/himself is what matters and that my point of view.
I highly recommend the directors to let darker woman a very south Indian walk with mini skirt and dance with confidence of course dressed well and not like a clown, and see if she is admired by man.
I would say now it’s not what saree you wear; it’s how sexy and hot you wear it.
It’s not about dark woman/man or fair woman/man it’s how the woman/man is presented, mostly people with darker complexion are dress in a way that they will look bad while highlighting the fair complex person.
I would say with the immaturity of this community fair people are on the limelight, I basically feel that dark is beautiful campaign should bring out the confidence in today’s woman/man to stand up and speak for themselves and present them.
No one was born to feel insecure in this world, maybe these communities made you feel insecure but you can’t continue to be so,
You should stand up for yourself,
Trust yourself,
Believe that you worth more and what others say don’t matter,
Feel more confidence and believe that you are an able being.
Never have I ever felt sad to be born as a brown skinned girl in my life.
You life is in your hands and you decide if you want lose your confidence and lose yourself on what others think of, of who you are and what you look. Or just grow up and believe in yourself.
 
Confidence is Beautiful.

Thought of killing yourself.

Thought of killing yourself.

Have you ever thought of killing yourself??

I don’t not know how many percentage of human minds this thought would have crossed, but to be frank this thought of killing myself have crossed me few times when I thought that things didn't seem to go right to at any extend in my end, because I didn't want to die I am alive writing this now. I have had friends who tried killing themselves but never succeeded in that. The recent death of Bollywood actress called Jiah Khan did make me think of :various reasons why did she kill herself.

Life.
“ Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn't. –Richard Bach”
How can anyone not agree with this quote,“When  I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me”- Erma Bombeck.” I don’t know if God exist, but all I know is you came into this world as an human the best species ever existed and exist, the only ones who can talk what they think, the only ones who can make things which were thought to be impossible happen.
I do agree with all of you that it is not easy to live in this cunning world,we humans who are things we are superior of all species, most of the time act thoughtless, before you do anything which would harm anyone else put yourselves in their shoes, and before and feel the pain.
“Live life to the fullest of the Life. –Shobija"
I studied in a Christian school and I learned the bible, my Christianity teacher said once Your body is the Temple of God you have no rights to hurt yourself because it doesn't belongs to you.  When my mom scolds me, when I and my sisters fights, when I fail my exams, when I and my friend stop talking is
 when the thought of killing myself crossed me, this do seem to be very silly reasons but at that moment those meant the most to me.

Love.

What is love? You will have your own answer to it, “Love is just one word but it has numerous meanings and feelings. –Shobija”
I have seen and I am still seeing males and females of each age group falling to be a victim of Love, when unbelievable things happening in this modernized 21^st century with technology, human minds also seem to act in an unbelievable behavior as the suicide rate increases year by year.
I was told the one who kill him/herself wont go to heaven, a murder is a murder. A murderer will still live to ask forgives from God for his sins, but the one who killed him/herself wont be alive to ask forgiveness.
In my point of view people who kill themselves are braver than who are alive; I’m sure every human would feel like killing themselves in this cunning world as it is not easy to live a life here, and even killing yourself much hard. But to the braver people in my sight wherever you are and the braver people who are trying to look for peace by killing yourself, why why ??? Was killing yourself easier than living in this nasty world, asking you Jiah (actress) was you life worth dying for a guy, immature boyfriend. Having had 160K followers in twitter by just acting 3 films I see actors who have acted more than 15 to 20 movies who is still struggling reached  100K followers, you were loved by many even thou your contribution in this film industry was small. Having read you suicide note i read how much you went through in with your relationship with your boyfriend, but killing yourself for a guy who didn't know the value of you was a mistake yet I hope this would be a learning lesson for all the boys and girls, man and woman who are lost in love which have no meaning. It’s Jiah or any girl/boy in love, love your partner/spouse/lover to the fullest, forgive him/her only till you can tolerate, To be in love means two people should not only love each other, they should understand each other forgive each other, most of all respect each other, Love maybe one word but the level of showing love will differ from person to person, sometimes how much one is in love also differs, they say you can’t measure love, yes because it not liquid, solid or gas to measure but it’s a feeling, love is a feeling, when you are in love you should be feel the love. Why be in an relationship when it doesn't make you feel loved, and it just gives you pain, there is always a limit for tolerance, killing yourself is not overcoming and it's never a relief for pain. When you are in love you may feel that He/She means everything to you but yet I hope you were never born with him/her. Even twins who are born together never do not die together nor be together with each other as brother and sister; they move on and live their life. What in a man/woman will make you stick with them expect the feeling that you are in love with him/her.  There are husbands and wives who live together who don’t feel the love with each other for the sake of their children which acceptable, but what makes a boy/girl who stick to each other just because one feel the love, I don’t see a point being in a relationship with a man/woman who don’t respect you and your feelings.
Love and Life and the two most amazing thing we got, we should live our life, loving each other, respecting each other, and also behaving in a way that won’t hurt others. Sometimes we have to live our life for ourselves, we have to love our self first to be loved by others, a person who don’t love them self will kill them self, when people around you make you not love yourself, you got to move on and find new friends, do things you love, feel loved, and be with people who respect you, because there is still so much of good in this world, that the only reason world is didn't end yet.
When you love and believe in your own self, the world will believe you and love you, there will always be haters, backs steppers, cheaters, and killers. You and I know that we are not perfect our self and so is the world. All we should have is strength to do what we believe that will make us happy, sometimes moving on makes you happy then don’t hesitate to do it, better move on than dying in pain. Killing yourself might give end to hell here but you also should remember you are killing yourself for someone whom you don’t mean anything, you might sleep in peace after death you had left you parents , friends and loved ones mourning for you till their death.

Love and Attachment

Love everyone and everything but never be attached to anyone or anything, because there is a difference between attachment and love. - Shobija

Yes of course there is difference between Love and Attachment

Love the word in English can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure to interpersonal attraction. It can refer to an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.

Attachment means dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Ex: how much parent’s relationship with the child influences development.

Everyone is always love, there is no human who is not possessed by the word love.

I find fault here at Maslow's hierarchy of needs Basic needs (Psychological) need has no love how can sex be. 

Any species name it human or animal if they don't have anyone to love them, or anything for them to love they wouldn't have urge to live. 

Having said that why I say love but never be attached, it's about balancing, choosing.

The love of Mother is the purest of anything, they carry their child in there woman and give birth with so much of pain and do go through worse pains when their child grow up.

Parents have had once been a child of their parent but yet everything changes when they become a parent, parents show immeasurable love.
You would have all come across stories murderers who killed tens of people but his mother might be a person staying on the court saying my son didn't do it. That is what is called blind affection, care which you get only from parents, and all this comes with that word attachment because there is both attachment and love. 

A Couple in a relationship is in love, both are madly in love but one person is in love and more attached to his/her partner. That is one person loves to the core, loving everything about the other and thinking there that there is no life without the partner.

Have you heard of a person who had attempted suicide just because their pet dog died, that’s attachment.

There are people in the world who sacrifice themselves for pathetic reasons, i would say only because they aren't ready to see the world as it is. This world is full of liars, cheaters, and selfish. Finding anyone noble and selfless is harder that finding pearl from the sea.

We are attached to people whom we trust, belief, share our thoughts and secrets, be it your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, best friend. it really hurts when all the trust is broken into pieces. You may cry cry and can never stop cry, sometimes you get this feeling of not even believing, trusting yourself anymore. Life is never a perfect straight road we have to crawl, walk, run, through the curves and swim through the deep rough sea.

Love yourself and learn to trust yourself.